Update FROM MY PHONE.  UGH!  
Moments after my photo shoot, some CRAZY THING came out of the ocean and SHOOK THE EARTH!  I dropped my laptop and it broke… AGAIN.
I have no idea what that thing was, but I can only assume fracking is to blame.

Probably gonna start a donation page for my laptop.

Update FROM MY PHONE.  UGH!  

Moments after my photo shoot, some CRAZY THING came out of the ocean and SHOOK THE EARTH!  I dropped my laptop and it broke… AGAIN.

I have no idea what that thing was, but I can only assume fracking is to blame.

Probably gonna start a donation page for my laptop.

KEEP BEACH CITY WEIRD IS BACK!  I’ve been off the grid for the summer.  Not because government was on my tail, but because I… dropped my phone in the toilet.  
And then I was googling “how to remove a phone from a toilet in a way that isn’t gross” and I… dropped my laptop in the toilet.
It doesn’t matter.  Everything is fixed now, and I got six more really great blogposts coming up!  I think.  I haven’t totally figured out my posting schedule yet.

KEEP BEACH CITY WEIRD IS BACK!  I’ve been off the grid for the summer.  Not because government was on my tail, but because I… dropped my phone in the toilet.  

And then I was googling “how to remove a phone from a toilet in a way that isn’t gross” and I… dropped my laptop in the toilet.

It doesn’t matter.  Everything is fixed now, and I got six more really great blogposts coming up!  I think.  I haven’t totally figured out my posting schedule yet.

I’ve heard rumors of an ancient mystery at the Beach City Mini-Golf and Shrimp Buffet.  Legend is the giant plastic dinosaur at the 6th hole IS AN ACTUAL DINOSAUR.  Supposedly the original owner secretly kept it as a pet, and after it died, he preserved it underneath fiberglass and shellac!
I went to check it out with a golf bag full of putters and a prograde carbon-tipped hacksaw!  After a frustrating couple of holes at the windmill and that IMPOSSIBLE clown head, I finally made it to the dinosaur.  But just as I started sawing through the brontosaurus’s leg, I got spotted by a mini-caddy.  He started running at me and yelling for his manager.  I tried to stop him by tipping over a bucket of golfballs (a trick that always works in the movies to delightfully comedic results), but he just kicked them aside, and somehow one of them rolled into the clown head!  COME ON!
Anyway, he took my hacksaw and banned me from mini-golf for life.  Whatever, at least they didn’t ban me from the shrimp buffet!
EDIT: Turns out they banned me from the shrimp buffet too.

Double whatever, you can’t hide the truth forever!

I’ve heard rumors of an ancient mystery at the Beach City Mini-Golf and Shrimp Buffet.  Legend is the giant plastic dinosaur at the 6th hole IS AN ACTUAL DINOSAUR.  Supposedly the original owner secretly kept it as a pet, and after it died, he preserved it underneath fiberglass and shellac!

I went to check it out with a golf bag full of putters and a prograde carbon-tipped hacksaw!  After a frustrating couple of holes at the windmill and that IMPOSSIBLE clown head, I finally made it to the dinosaur.  But just as I started sawing through the brontosaurus’s leg, I got spotted by a mini-caddy.  He started running at me and yelling for his manager.  I tried to stop him by tipping over a bucket of golfballs (a trick that always works in the movies to delightfully comedic results), but he just kicked them aside, and somehow one of them rolled into the clown head!  COME ON!

Anyway, he took my hacksaw and banned me from mini-golf for life.  Whatever, at least they didn’t ban me from the shrimp buffet!

EDIT: Turns out they banned me from the shrimp buffet too.

Double whatever, you can’t hide the truth forever!

TERROR-DACTYL!!!

The pizza shop where I steal wi-fi was ATTACKED FROM THE SKY!  And on the very afternoon I was going to upload my exposé on DRONES… PTERODACTYL DRONES!  Coincidence?  I think NEVER!

It’s too bad I couldn’t upload the 2TB PDF - it’s a pretty eye-opening read.  But here’s one of the high quality illustrations from it:

Nature finds a way.

I saw Dogcopter 3 in 3D tonight and all I have to say is WOOF!  
First of all, it’s a huge mistake to turn the last Dogcopter book into THREE movies.  Yes, the last book is over 900 pages, but there’s not enough story!  And the 3D was completely unnecessary.  If I wanted to see butt missiles flying at my face, I’d feed a dog some bottle rockets and put on a pair of safety goggles.
Dogcopter is supposed to be an uncompromising look at the military-industrial-pet complex, not “fun”!  Fun is the worst. 

Also, if you live in the Delmarva area - do not see it at the Beach City Cineplex.  The parking lot is a mess!  Probably from a bunch of angry Dogcopter fans rioting.  Ugh, I’m going to see this 3 more times to make sure I hate it.

I saw Dogcopter 3 in 3D tonight and all I have to say is WOOF! 

First of all, it’s a huge mistake to turn the last Dogcopter book into THREE movies.  Yes, the last book is over 900 pages, but there’s not enough story!  And the 3D was completely unnecessary.  If I wanted to see butt missiles flying at my face, I’d feed a dog some bottle rockets and put on a pair of safety goggles.

Dogcopter is supposed to be an uncompromising look at the military-industrial-pet complex, not “fun”!  Fun is the worst. 

Also, if you live in the Delmarva area - do not see it at the Beach City Cineplex.  The parking lot is a mess!  Probably from a bunch of angry Dogcopter fans rioting.  Ugh, I’m going to see this 3 more times to make sure I hate it.

A SKY FULL OF G.U.Y.S.

A lot of WEIRD weather has been happening in Beach City lately.  First, a crystal flower shower, and now it’s raining GUYS!  You know, G.U.Y.S.?  Guys Under Your Supervision!  They’re toys.

My guess is it’s some viral marketing campaign, but I’d never buy that junk.  Kids collect GUYS, but men collect BOYS!  

You know, B.O.Y.S.?  Boys On Your Shelf!  They’re figurines made out of pewter!  Much more collectible and distinguished.  There’s a ton of ‘em!

FLOWER POWER!

Yesterday, a bunch of weird crystalline flowers showered Beach City at sunset.  Who knows where this mysterious flora came from.  Perhaps it was a seasonal gift from nature.  Or perhaps it was to signal THE INVASION OF BEE PEOPLE FROM OUTER SPACE!!!

Either way I was SUPER ALLERGIC TO IT.  I was sneezing so hard I almost vomited.  But it was the perfect setting to recreate a scene from the anime On The Mountain of My Innocence of My Youth.  A coming of age tale about a Japanese schoolboy who overcomes the death of his father by playing the oboe.

SPOILER: the oboe turns out to be magic and becomes his girlfriend!

CARNIE GRAVEYARD

This week, I thought I’d investigate the classic legend of the BEACH CITY CARNIE GRAVEYARD!  

Back in the 30s, the county passed a law banning “circus folk” from being buried amongst “regular folk”.  So the circus folk found a plot of land where they could bury their loved ones with respect, or in the case of the clowns, shove them all into one coffin.

Anyways, it’s rumored that lots of famous acts are buried right here by the boardwalk.  Acts like Lucille the Lemon!

The Twin Twins!

And the greatest oddity of them all - the 1929 Beach County Jewish Basketball Team!


The location of the Carnie Graveyard was secret, but I figured our local carnival owner, Mr. Smiley, might know of it’s whereabouts.  Unfortunately, when I asked him, he gave me the old “What is wrong with you and why do you think I would know where a bunch of dead clowns are buried” routine.  It all but confirmed my suspicion that the Carnie Graveyard definitely exists and one day I’ll find it.

SOMEONE BROKE TEENS OF RAGE!!!

SOMEONE BROKE TEENS OF RAGE!!!  ask;ldfjas! Teens of Rage was my favorite game!  I’m just so full of some kind of emotion.  ANGER!  No anger isn’t the right word.  But something like anger!

Funland had the only Teens of Rage cabinet in all of Delmarva!  I guess I’ll have to start playing Virtua Teens of Rage.

Virtua Teens of Rage was a crappy “3-D” version of the original ToR - made to compete with modern fighters.  It looked like butt.

I don’t want to be dramatic but my life is over. RIP ALL VIDEO GAMES EVER.

INVISIBLE LIES

I was FOOLED yesterday.  FOOLED into thinking Steven had an invisible pet lion.  So stupid.  I like to think of myself as a skeptical free-thinker, so I’m surprised I believed such a silly idea.

In other news, Steven might be pregnant!  Haven’t been able to get him to take a pregger test yet, but I did snap this pic of him hate-eating pizza. 

Could it be a baby bump?!