So thanks, everyone, for getting the word out on not reblogging my post.  Unfortunately, by getting the word out on not reblogging my post, EVERYONE WAS REBLOGGING MY POST.
I was up all night trying to contact Tumblr and get them to take down all the reblogs, but I only managed to get a developer’s kit.  I don’t even know what to do with that.  I’m super tired.
I guess I could delete the post off of Keep Beach City Weird… but it’s got a lot of notes… so I’m just going to lock the lighthouse door.

So thanks, everyone, for getting the word out on not reblogging my post.  Unfortunately, by getting the word out on not reblogging my post, EVERYONE WAS REBLOGGING MY POST.

I was up all night trying to contact Tumblr and get them to take down all the reblogs, but I only managed to get a developer’s kit.  I don’t even know what to do with that.  I’m super tired.

I guess I could delete the post off of Keep Beach City Weird… but it’s got a lot of notes… so I’m just going to lock the lighthouse door.

crystal-gems:

keepbeachcityweird:

What the heck is this?!  Someone put up a fence around the Beach City Lighthouse!  And the only reason for anyone to put up a fence is if they’ve got SOMETHING TO HIDE!!!  Or if they have a dog.  Or a pool.  Or if the homeowners association in their neighborhood requires it according to their by-laws.
Whoever this mysterious fence mason is, they were actually doing me a favor.  That lighthouse indeed holds many secrets… secrets of my OWN!!!
…I’ve said too much, please don’t reblog this post.

REBLOG THE POST

WHAT?! I explicitly said to NOT reblog the post!!!  IF THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO TROLL ME, YOU WILL NOT SUCCEED.  I AM UNTROLLABLE.

crystal-gems:

keepbeachcityweird:

What the heck is this?!  Someone put up a fence around the Beach City Lighthouse!  And the only reason for anyone to put up a fence is if they’ve got SOMETHING TO HIDE!!!  Or if they have a dog.  Or a pool.  Or if the homeowners association in their neighborhood requires it according to their by-laws.

Whoever this mysterious fence mason is, they were actually doing me a favor.  That lighthouse indeed holds many secrets… secrets of my OWN!!!

…I’ve said too much, please don’t reblog this post.

REBLOG THE POST

WHAT?! I explicitly said to NOT reblog the post!!!  IF THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO TROLL ME, YOU WILL NOT SUCCEED.  I AM UNTROLLABLE.

What the heck is this?!  Someone put up a fence around the Beach City Lighthouse!  And the only reason for anyone to put up a fence is if they’ve got SOMETHING TO HIDE!!!  Or if they have a dog.  Or a pool.  Or if the homeowners association in their neighborhood requires it according to their by-laws.
Whoever this mysterious fence mason is, they were actually doing me a favor.  That lighthouse indeed holds many secrets… secrets of my OWN!!!
…I’ve said too much, please don’t reblog this post.

What the heck is this?!  Someone put up a fence around the Beach City Lighthouse!  And the only reason for anyone to put up a fence is if they’ve got SOMETHING TO HIDE!!!  Or if they have a dog.  Or a pool.  Or if the homeowners association in their neighborhood requires it according to their by-laws.

Whoever this mysterious fence mason is, they were actually doing me a favor.  That lighthouse indeed holds many secrets… secrets of my OWN!!!

…I’ve said too much, please don’t reblog this post.

While combing the beach for the unexplained, and buried pirate treasure, I found some very mysterious chips.  They’re of the potato persuasion, ruffled and coated with some sort of green “flavor-substance”.  
I suspected it to be a new flavor of Chaaaaps so I gave it a taste test and it BURNED MY MOUTH SO BAD.  It seared off most of my taste buds, so it’s hard for me to give an accurate review, but it kind of tasted like ghost pepper with a hint of… spit.  It basically tasted like kissing a girl after she’s eaten a plate of hot wings.  Which I may or may not have done.  
What happens at Wing Bowl STAYS at Wing Bowl.

While combing the beach for the unexplained, and buried pirate treasure, I found some very mysterious chips.  They’re of the potato persuasion, ruffled and coated with some sort of green “flavor-substance”.  

I suspected it to be a new flavor of Chaaaaps so I gave it a taste test and it BURNED MY MOUTH SO BAD.  It seared off most of my taste buds, so it’s hard for me to give an accurate review, but it kind of tasted like ghost pepper with a hint of… spit.  It basically tasted like kissing a girl after she’s eaten a plate of hot wings.  Which I may or may not have done.  

What happens at Wing Bowl STAYS at Wing Bowl.

At any given moment, if you asked me what I was thinking about, the answer would be one of two things: katana swords, or THE POSSIBILITY OF ALTERNATE TIMELINES RUNNING PARALLEL TO OUR OWN!
Proving the existence of these timelines can be pretty tricky, even for a seasoned paranormal investigator such as myself.  An inter-temporal incursion caused by the momentary weakening of the time-space continuum doesn’t really photograph well.  And all the cross dimensional time travelers I know don’t want to go on the record about their experiences.  Frankly, the only thing I can submit as evidence of alternate timelines is the fact that THEY ARE PROBABLY JUST SO COOL AND AWESOME THAT THEY HAVE TO BE REAL.
Think about it!  What about a universe where that asteroid missed Earth and we had DINOSAURS for pets instead of dogs?  Or a universe where someone was like “Hey, zeppelins are way cooler than planes, let’s just do that!”  Or a universe where AN ALTERNATE VERSION OF ME CAN GROW A FULL BEARD?!  What an amazing life that Ronaldo must have… in THIS stupid reality I have a really hard time getting my moustache to connect to the rest of my facial hair and it’s incredibly frustrating.

At any given moment, if you asked me what I was thinking about, the answer would be one of two things: katana swords, or THE POSSIBILITY OF ALTERNATE TIMELINES RUNNING PARALLEL TO OUR OWN!

Proving the existence of these timelines can be pretty tricky, even for a seasoned paranormal investigator such as myself.  An inter-temporal incursion caused by the momentary weakening of the time-space continuum doesn’t really photograph well.  And all the cross dimensional time travelers I know don’t want to go on the record about their experiences.  Frankly, the only thing I can submit as evidence of alternate timelines is the fact that THEY ARE PROBABLY JUST SO COOL AND AWESOME THAT THEY HAVE TO BE REAL.

Think about it!  What about a universe where that asteroid missed Earth and we had DINOSAURS for pets instead of dogs?  Or a universe where someone was like “Hey, zeppelins are way cooler than planes, let’s just do that!”  Or a universe where AN ALTERNATE VERSION OF ME CAN GROW A FULL BEARD?!  What an amazing life that Ronaldo must have… in THIS stupid reality I have a really hard time getting my moustache to connect to the rest of my facial hair and it’s incredibly frustrating.

Beach City was on fire today!  The whole boardwalk!  Some blame teenage hijinks, but I know the real culprit: The Ghost of William Buford Buchanan, Beach City’s Most Notorious Arsonist!
He set a record 335 fires in the summer of 1862.  Back then, there weren’t many buildings in Beach City, so he had to burn his own house down 68 times.  He even burned down the Funland Arcade, or as it was known at the time, Frederick Ulysses Neptune’s Land of Mechanical Oddities and Entertainment.  I heard it was great!  They had a monkey fortune teller that could predict the future and play Camptown Races on an accordion.
Buchanan died trying to evade the police by diving into the ocean.  But some say his waterlogged visage still haunts the Boardwalk, desperately trying to light his soggy flint and steel kit, and add one more fire to his record.  I guess he finally found out about lighter fluid!  HAH! 
Mayor Dewey estimates damages to be $600,000.

Beach City was on fire today!  The whole boardwalk!  Some blame teenage hijinks, but I know the real culprit: The Ghost of William Buford Buchanan, Beach City’s Most Notorious Arsonist!

He set a record 335 fires in the summer of 1862.  Back then, there weren’t many buildings in Beach City, so he had to burn his own house down 68 times.  He even burned down the Funland Arcade, or as it was known at the time, Frederick Ulysses Neptune’s Land of Mechanical Oddities and Entertainment.  I heard it was great!  They had a monkey fortune teller that could predict the future and play Camptown Races on an accordion.

Buchanan died trying to evade the police by diving into the ocean.  But some say his waterlogged visage still haunts the Boardwalk, desperately trying to light his soggy flint and steel kit, and add one more fire to his record.  I guess he finally found out about lighter fluid!  HAH! 

Mayor Dewey estimates damages to be $600,000.

Update FROM MY PHONE.  UGH!  
Moments after my photo shoot, some CRAZY THING came out of the ocean and SHOOK THE EARTH!  I dropped my laptop and it broke… AGAIN.
I have no idea what that thing was, but I can only assume fracking is to blame.

Probably gonna start a donation page for my laptop.

Update FROM MY PHONE.  UGH!  

Moments after my photo shoot, some CRAZY THING came out of the ocean and SHOOK THE EARTH!  I dropped my laptop and it broke… AGAIN.

I have no idea what that thing was, but I can only assume fracking is to blame.

Probably gonna start a donation page for my laptop.

KEEP BEACH CITY WEIRD IS BACK!  I’ve been off the grid for the summer.  Not because government was on my tail, but because I… dropped my phone in the toilet.  
And then I was googling “how to remove a phone from a toilet in a way that isn’t gross” and I… dropped my laptop in the toilet.
It doesn’t matter.  Everything is fixed now, and I got six more really great blogposts coming up!  I think.  I haven’t totally figured out my posting schedule yet.

KEEP BEACH CITY WEIRD IS BACK!  I’ve been off the grid for the summer.  Not because government was on my tail, but because I… dropped my phone in the toilet.  

And then I was googling “how to remove a phone from a toilet in a way that isn’t gross” and I… dropped my laptop in the toilet.

It doesn’t matter.  Everything is fixed now, and I got six more really great blogposts coming up!  I think.  I haven’t totally figured out my posting schedule yet.

I’ve heard rumors of an ancient mystery at the Beach City Mini-Golf and Shrimp Buffet.  Legend is the giant plastic dinosaur at the 6th hole IS AN ACTUAL DINOSAUR.  Supposedly the original owner secretly kept it as a pet, and after it died, he preserved it underneath fiberglass and shellac!
I went to check it out with a golf bag full of putters and a prograde carbon-tipped hacksaw!  After a frustrating couple of holes at the windmill and that IMPOSSIBLE clown head, I finally made it to the dinosaur.  But just as I started sawing through the brontosaurus’s leg, I got spotted by a mini-caddy.  He started running at me and yelling for his manager.  I tried to stop him by tipping over a bucket of golfballs (a trick that always works in the movies to delightfully comedic results), but he just kicked them aside, and somehow one of them rolled into the clown head!  COME ON!
Anyway, he took my hacksaw and banned me from mini-golf for life.  Whatever, at least they didn’t ban me from the shrimp buffet!
EDIT: Turns out they banned me from the shrimp buffet too.

Double whatever, you can’t hide the truth forever!

I’ve heard rumors of an ancient mystery at the Beach City Mini-Golf and Shrimp Buffet.  Legend is the giant plastic dinosaur at the 6th hole IS AN ACTUAL DINOSAUR.  Supposedly the original owner secretly kept it as a pet, and after it died, he preserved it underneath fiberglass and shellac!

I went to check it out with a golf bag full of putters and a prograde carbon-tipped hacksaw!  After a frustrating couple of holes at the windmill and that IMPOSSIBLE clown head, I finally made it to the dinosaur.  But just as I started sawing through the brontosaurus’s leg, I got spotted by a mini-caddy.  He started running at me and yelling for his manager.  I tried to stop him by tipping over a bucket of golfballs (a trick that always works in the movies to delightfully comedic results), but he just kicked them aside, and somehow one of them rolled into the clown head!  COME ON!

Anyway, he took my hacksaw and banned me from mini-golf for life.  Whatever, at least they didn’t ban me from the shrimp buffet!

EDIT: Turns out they banned me from the shrimp buffet too.

Double whatever, you can’t hide the truth forever!

TERROR-DACTYL!!!

The pizza shop where I steal wi-fi was ATTACKED FROM THE SKY!  And on the very afternoon I was going to upload my exposé on DRONES… PTERODACTYL DRONES!  Coincidence?  I think NEVER!

It’s too bad I couldn’t upload the 2TB PDF - it’s a pretty eye-opening read.  But here’s one of the high quality illustrations from it:

Nature finds a way.