Time for another RONALDO RANT!  Fish Stew Pizza’s VIP(izza) coupons are bogus!  
Kofi told me that you gotta buy a whole pizza if you want it to count towards a free pizza - INDIVIDUAL SLICES DON’T COUNT!  That’s ridiculous!  
I buy enough slices to count for like 200 free pizzas, and I get nothing.  Yet Joe Schmo Fisherman buys a couple of pies for his family once a month HE gets a free pizza?!  I’m in that store EVERY SINGLE DAY.  And what do I get in return?  Other than free wi-fi and unlimited refills?  I deserve more free things!

I just want to say this is not a personal attack on the Pizza family.  I very much enjoy their unique take on pizza and Kiki never makes fun of me for eating the packets of parmesan cheese with a spoon.  So please don’t ban me.

Time for another RONALDO RANT!  Fish Stew Pizza’s VIP(izza) coupons are bogus!  

Kofi told me that you gotta buy a whole pizza if you want it to count towards a free pizza - INDIVIDUAL SLICES DON’T COUNT!  That’s ridiculous!  

I buy enough slices to count for like 200 free pizzas, and I get nothing.  Yet Joe Schmo Fisherman buys a couple of pies for his family once a month HE gets a free pizza?!  I’m in that store EVERY SINGLE DAY.  And what do I get in return?  Other than free wi-fi and unlimited refills?  I deserve more free things!

I just want to say this is not a personal attack on the Pizza family.  I very much enjoy their unique take on pizza and Kiki never makes fun of me for eating the packets of parmesan cheese with a spoon.  So please don’t ban me.

I SAW A UFO!!!  An Ultimate Fighting Optometrist?  No!  An Unidentified Flying Object!!!
I was out bat watching, it being Dracula season and all, when I saw something shooting through the night sky!  The speed and trajectory could only mean it was one thing - AN ALIEN SPACE SHIP!
Now, in my experience, alien ships come FROM space TO Earth.  But it looks like this alien ship was going FROM Earth TO space.  So maybe it’s not an alien ship from space, but an alien ship from INSIDE the Earth. 

I’m gonna start digging holes in my front yard first thing tomorrow morning.

I SAW A UFO!!!  An Ultimate Fighting Optometrist?  No!  An Unidentified Flying Object!!!

I was out bat watching, it being Dracula season and all, when I saw something shooting through the night sky!  The speed and trajectory could only mean it was one thing - AN ALIEN SPACE SHIP!

Now, in my experience, alien ships come FROM space TO Earth.  But it looks like this alien ship was going FROM Earth TO space.  So maybe it’s not an alien ship from space, but an alien ship from INSIDE the Earth. 

I’m gonna start digging holes in my front yard first thing tomorrow morning.

HOLY MOLY THE OCEAN IS BACK!!!!
Steven and his friends got the ocean back!  Not that I was personally worried.  I don’t particularly enjoy swimming or boating or the outdoors in general, but the ocean was the backbone of our small town economy.
I wonder what happened.  I’ll have to ask Steven if any of my theories were correct.  And then I’ll say “I called it!”  when they are correct.

HOLY MOLY THE OCEAN IS BACK!!!!

Steven and his friends got the ocean back!  Not that I was personally worried.  I don’t particularly enjoy swimming or boating or the outdoors in general, but the ocean was the backbone of our small town economy.

I wonder what happened.  I’ll have to ask Steven if any of my theories were correct.  And then I’ll say “I called it!”  when they are correct.

HOLY MOLY THE OCEAN IS GONE!!!!
I don’t know how it happened!  The beach is a desert!  I can’t even formulate coherent theories right now.
Government subsidized desalinization for Illuminati pool parties?
Ecco the Dolphin LARPers gone too far?
Mermaid alien… water pirates?
DSLKFSLDFSDF:!@#~

KEEP BEACH CITY WET!!!!

HOLY MOLY THE OCEAN IS GONE!!!!

I don’t know how it happened!  The beach is a desert!  I can’t even formulate coherent theories right now.

Government subsidized desalinization for Illuminati pool parties?

Ecco the Dolphin LARPers gone too far?

Mermaid alien… water pirates?

DSLKFSLDFSDF:!@#~

KEEP BEACH CITY WET!!!!

So thanks, everyone, for getting the word out on not reblogging my post.  Unfortunately, by getting the word out on not reblogging my post, EVERYONE WAS REBLOGGING MY POST.
I was up all night trying to contact Tumblr and get them to take down all the reblogs, but I only managed to get a developer’s kit.  I don’t even know what to do with that.  I’m super tired.
I guess I could delete the post off of Keep Beach City Weird… but it’s got a lot of notes… so I’m just going to lock the lighthouse door.

So thanks, everyone, for getting the word out on not reblogging my post.  Unfortunately, by getting the word out on not reblogging my post, EVERYONE WAS REBLOGGING MY POST.

I was up all night trying to contact Tumblr and get them to take down all the reblogs, but I only managed to get a developer’s kit.  I don’t even know what to do with that.  I’m super tired.

I guess I could delete the post off of Keep Beach City Weird… but it’s got a lot of notes… so I’m just going to lock the lighthouse door.

crystal-gems:

keepbeachcityweird:

What the heck is this?!  Someone put up a fence around the Beach City Lighthouse!  And the only reason for anyone to put up a fence is if they’ve got SOMETHING TO HIDE!!!  Or if they have a dog.  Or a pool.  Or if the homeowners association in their neighborhood requires it according to their by-laws.
Whoever this mysterious fence mason is, they were actually doing me a favor.  That lighthouse indeed holds many secrets… secrets of my OWN!!!
…I’ve said too much, please don’t reblog this post.

REBLOG THE POST

WHAT?! I explicitly said to NOT reblog the post!!!  IF THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO TROLL ME, YOU WILL NOT SUCCEED.  I AM UNTROLLABLE.

crystal-gems:

keepbeachcityweird:

What the heck is this?!  Someone put up a fence around the Beach City Lighthouse!  And the only reason for anyone to put up a fence is if they’ve got SOMETHING TO HIDE!!!  Or if they have a dog.  Or a pool.  Or if the homeowners association in their neighborhood requires it according to their by-laws.

Whoever this mysterious fence mason is, they were actually doing me a favor.  That lighthouse indeed holds many secrets… secrets of my OWN!!!

…I’ve said too much, please don’t reblog this post.

REBLOG THE POST

WHAT?! I explicitly said to NOT reblog the post!!!  IF THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO TROLL ME, YOU WILL NOT SUCCEED.  I AM UNTROLLABLE.

What the heck is this?!  Someone put up a fence around the Beach City Lighthouse!  And the only reason for anyone to put up a fence is if they’ve got SOMETHING TO HIDE!!!  Or if they have a dog.  Or a pool.  Or if the homeowners association in their neighborhood requires it according to their by-laws.
Whoever this mysterious fence mason is, they were actually doing me a favor.  That lighthouse indeed holds many secrets… secrets of my OWN!!!
…I’ve said too much, please don’t reblog this post.

What the heck is this?!  Someone put up a fence around the Beach City Lighthouse!  And the only reason for anyone to put up a fence is if they’ve got SOMETHING TO HIDE!!!  Or if they have a dog.  Or a pool.  Or if the homeowners association in their neighborhood requires it according to their by-laws.

Whoever this mysterious fence mason is, they were actually doing me a favor.  That lighthouse indeed holds many secrets… secrets of my OWN!!!

…I’ve said too much, please don’t reblog this post.

While combing the beach for the unexplained, and buried pirate treasure, I found some very mysterious chips.  They’re of the potato persuasion, ruffled and coated with some sort of green “flavor-substance”.  
I suspected it to be a new flavor of Chaaaaps so I gave it a taste test and it BURNED MY MOUTH SO BAD.  It seared off most of my taste buds, so it’s hard for me to give an accurate review, but it kind of tasted like ghost pepper with a hint of… spit.  It basically tasted like kissing a girl after she’s eaten a plate of hot wings.  Which I may or may not have done.  
What happens at Wing Bowl STAYS at Wing Bowl.

While combing the beach for the unexplained, and buried pirate treasure, I found some very mysterious chips.  They’re of the potato persuasion, ruffled and coated with some sort of green “flavor-substance”.  

I suspected it to be a new flavor of Chaaaaps so I gave it a taste test and it BURNED MY MOUTH SO BAD.  It seared off most of my taste buds, so it’s hard for me to give an accurate review, but it kind of tasted like ghost pepper with a hint of… spit.  It basically tasted like kissing a girl after she’s eaten a plate of hot wings.  Which I may or may not have done.  

What happens at Wing Bowl STAYS at Wing Bowl.

At any given moment, if you asked me what I was thinking about, the answer would be one of two things: katana swords, or THE POSSIBILITY OF ALTERNATE TIMELINES RUNNING PARALLEL TO OUR OWN!
Proving the existence of these timelines can be pretty tricky, even for a seasoned paranormal investigator such as myself.  An inter-temporal incursion caused by the momentary weakening of the time-space continuum doesn’t really photograph well.  And all the cross dimensional time travelers I know don’t want to go on the record about their experiences.  Frankly, the only thing I can submit as evidence of alternate timelines is the fact that THEY ARE PROBABLY JUST SO COOL AND AWESOME THAT THEY HAVE TO BE REAL.
Think about it!  What about a universe where that asteroid missed Earth and we had DINOSAURS for pets instead of dogs?  Or a universe where someone was like “Hey, zeppelins are way cooler than planes, let’s just do that!”  Or a universe where AN ALTERNATE VERSION OF ME CAN GROW A FULL BEARD?!  What an amazing life that Ronaldo must have… in THIS stupid reality I have a really hard time getting my moustache to connect to the rest of my facial hair and it’s incredibly frustrating.

At any given moment, if you asked me what I was thinking about, the answer would be one of two things: katana swords, or THE POSSIBILITY OF ALTERNATE TIMELINES RUNNING PARALLEL TO OUR OWN!

Proving the existence of these timelines can be pretty tricky, even for a seasoned paranormal investigator such as myself.  An inter-temporal incursion caused by the momentary weakening of the time-space continuum doesn’t really photograph well.  And all the cross dimensional time travelers I know don’t want to go on the record about their experiences.  Frankly, the only thing I can submit as evidence of alternate timelines is the fact that THEY ARE PROBABLY JUST SO COOL AND AWESOME THAT THEY HAVE TO BE REAL.

Think about it!  What about a universe where that asteroid missed Earth and we had DINOSAURS for pets instead of dogs?  Or a universe where someone was like “Hey, zeppelins are way cooler than planes, let’s just do that!”  Or a universe where AN ALTERNATE VERSION OF ME CAN GROW A FULL BEARD?!  What an amazing life that Ronaldo must have… in THIS stupid reality I have a really hard time getting my moustache to connect to the rest of my facial hair and it’s incredibly frustrating.

Beach City was on fire today!  The whole boardwalk!  Some blame teenage hijinks, but I know the real culprit: The Ghost of William Buford Buchanan, Beach City’s Most Notorious Arsonist!
He set a record 335 fires in the summer of 1862.  Back then, there weren’t many buildings in Beach City, so he had to burn his own house down 68 times.  He even burned down the Funland Arcade, or as it was known at the time, Frederick Ulysses Neptune’s Land of Mechanical Oddities and Entertainment.  I heard it was great!  They had a monkey fortune teller that could predict the future and play Camptown Races on an accordion.
Buchanan died trying to evade the police by diving into the ocean.  But some say his waterlogged visage still haunts the Boardwalk, desperately trying to light his soggy flint and steel kit, and add one more fire to his record.  I guess he finally found out about lighter fluid!  HAH! 
Mayor Dewey estimates damages to be $600,000.

Beach City was on fire today!  The whole boardwalk!  Some blame teenage hijinks, but I know the real culprit: The Ghost of William Buford Buchanan, Beach City’s Most Notorious Arsonist!

He set a record 335 fires in the summer of 1862.  Back then, there weren’t many buildings in Beach City, so he had to burn his own house down 68 times.  He even burned down the Funland Arcade, or as it was known at the time, Frederick Ulysses Neptune’s Land of Mechanical Oddities and Entertainment.  I heard it was great!  They had a monkey fortune teller that could predict the future and play Camptown Races on an accordion.

Buchanan died trying to evade the police by diving into the ocean.  But some say his waterlogged visage still haunts the Boardwalk, desperately trying to light his soggy flint and steel kit, and add one more fire to his record.  I guess he finally found out about lighter fluid!  HAH! 

Mayor Dewey estimates damages to be $600,000.